Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
