I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
