Plan B is the new Plan A
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
