i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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