i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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