I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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