Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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