I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
