Your dad touched me again.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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