I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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