I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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