I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize