woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
