if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
