From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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