and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
