thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
