Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
that is very illegal...i love you.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
