bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
