How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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