Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
