Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize