i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
