I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize