its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
