he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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