she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
