you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
