omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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