What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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