5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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