if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
