Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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