Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
