ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
