pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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