Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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