My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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