He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
