Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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