Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
