I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
