Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
