its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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