if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
