if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
