You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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