Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
