I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
