Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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