I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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