when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
