dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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