wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
