mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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