Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
