She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
