umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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