Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
