Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize