i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
