I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
