So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
