Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
