her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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