Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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