all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
