do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
