Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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