youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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