i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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