Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
