am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
