She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
