In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
