Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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