Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
