shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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