Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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