Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
