We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
