:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
