i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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