I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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