ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
