I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
