Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
