I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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