I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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