Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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