This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
